Ron White walks into a high-end, French, designer, swim-suit store in Beverly Hills. Sounds like it would be the beginning of a joke, but the only joke here is my life.
I watched him and his (New) wife walk into Vilebrequin, holding a bottle of 350$ wine, they carried over from lunch at the Beverly-Wilshire Hotel. I was worried because we all know his rep is to be the worlds biggest ass-hole, and he doesn’t deny or try to avoid that reputation. He put out his cigar, walked in, and said “How much for ‘em swimmin’ trunks there?” I said “Those are 250$.” “LORD!!! How about that? Y’all must be like In-N-Out Burger; you make one thing and you do it right. People will pay out the ASS!” His new wife gently swatted his chest and said “Ron, you’ve got to settle down or their going to know we’re drunk and make us leave.” “Hell,” He continued, “They ain’t gon’ make us leave. I’m fidin to spend money, that’s all the care about.”
He was right. It was my Third day working there and I wanted to impress my Regional and Store Managers by doing a great job on customer service, and I wanted to impress him by showing restraint while still giving him the respect he (As a High-End client) deserved. I also had to show restraint inside of me in more than one way; I suffer from Crones Disease and needed to evacuate my bowels, BAD!!! I had just come from my lunch and I “Needed to make room for desert,” as the saying goes… It would have to wait.
As the pain in my lower stomach got worse Ron became nicer and nicer without knowing or meaning to. He spoke to me very politely, and NEVER even dreamed of talking down to me. He even let me guide him through the store and tell him our brand history and what we are all about. Why the trucks are so expensive and even gave him advice on where to smoke weed….(In the ally between Rodeo and Beverly.) He thanks me for the help, and stepped outside while packing his one-hitter. He wife then proceeded to talk to me about her family and how well they liked Ron. He came back in signed the receipt. “FINALLY!!!” my bowels screamed, but just as I turned to the restroom he walked back in and asked “Excuse me Sir, but do you mind if I use y’alls restroom?” I couldn’t turn him down, not after a 4300$ sales on Swim-wear…I directed him to the restroom that was for employees only and waited with his wife. We talked about how long they were together (Three years) and why they were in town (A pro-Am golf tornament.) He came out and shook my hand, thanked me again for the help, and slipped me a hundred dollar bill. As I am walking them out I think “WOW!!! Ron White is an INCREDIBLY nice guy. I wish people knew this side of him.” I turned to the restroom and only one though mattered…”SPEED!!!” No time to do ANYTHING but what is important. I speed walked into the restroom with my pants all ready coming down as I entered through the dressing room, and I sat down ASAP!!! RIGHT INTO A RESERVOIR!!! Ron White had pissed all over the seat and just left it…